Revealing My Heart

Its been several years now since Cathy and I have put up a Christmas tree. For the past several years Cathy and I have been serving in Jamaica during Christmas. We have been blessed with awesome teams that came to serve during the Christmas break as the students were out of school during that time. But, today, I assembled our Christmas tree! This may seem trival to many but when its been several years since opening the box it was very exciting! In fact, I even got a little smootch from Cathy and just to see her face light up was an awesome feeling.

The holiday's are upon us. We see the craziness all around. The stores, the ads, the mailings, the coupons, Black Friday commercials! And now, I join in just a little. A Christmas tree now sits and adorns my living room. But as much excitement that it brings and the simple reminder of what it stands for (birth of Christ) during the season, my heart also pains becasue we won't be serving in Jamaica this year during that time.

Cathy and I love serving the people of Jamaica. I know that comes as a shock to some you although I doubt it, lol. We have been blessed to serve in Jamaica for many years both as I served as a Youth Minister and also as we serve with Praying Pelican Missions. To say, I (we) love doing this is an understatement. Seeing firsthand lives changed in so many ways and being able to be part of this is simply awesome! You can read some of our other blogs that describe how God has worked in and through us as we serve.

This Blog is different. This one describes personal challenges, struggles and heartache. I have been burdened lately at the thought of not being able to do what I (we) do for the long haul. I have had dreams that would seem to have me off the mission field, (I should call them nightmares instead.) I have had conversations with Cathy about the financial hardship that comes with being a missionary. I have struggled with the fundraising aspect of our work. I simply do not like asking for money, support or help. This is uncomforatable and a part of mission work that I just do not like. But, I also know that without the financial support we cannot do this full time, (back to the nightmares). I have most likely lost "friends" with my Facebook pleas for support, lost friends beacuse of emails asking them to be part of our financial support team; this burdens me. Just the thought of my friends blocking, deleting me or not responding to emails beacuse I have tried to connect with them and asked for financial support brings heartaches. I don't want to lose friendships because of this. I "do" want my friends to have the opportunity to help others through support but never want to send the message of guilt, pressure, or becasue we are friends they "have" to feel compeled to support our work.

Financial support, although, is the only way for us or any missionary to serve full time on the mission field. Cathy and I desire to stay on the mission field until we simply cannot continue. To do that we MUST fundraise. We need those who will join our team be it $10 a month or $100 a month. I recently searched the main reasons missionaries leave the mission field. This is the big one, lack of financial support. Research says that many missionaries leave the field every year due to lack of funding and support. For me, this is my major struggle! We get by, I am not hungry, I have a roof over my head and am blessed. But, this is a constant burden for us as we try to focus on ministry instead of finances. I know that with the adequate financial support more time and heart could be poured into ministry without the always dark cloud over our heads when it comes to financial support. I don't want to leave the mission field because of lack of funding or lack of faith as it comes to fundraising. That is simply a win for Satan and I hope and pray that will never be the case. We need to build a deeper financial support team. Individuals as well as churches who will get behind what we do and help us serve on the field.

Another challenge and burden for us as we serve on the mission field is knowing we have solid prayer partners who lift us up in prayer, communicate with us simply to check in and see how things are going and how they can pray for us. Honestly, being a missionary can be very lonely. Yes, we are surrounded by people all the time. We serve hundreds, serve with teams week after week, but nothing can take the place of close friendships, prayer partners and those who care for you emotionally on a constant basis. As missionaries, we seldom receive as phone call, a note of encouragement, or an email letting us know we are being prayed for and cared about. Again, in my search as to why missionaries leave the field, very little emotional support from back home was and is a common factor. Cathy and I need and struggle with not having that kind of support. As missionaries, we have challenges, struggles and face emotional lonliness at times. To have friends that truley care enough to lift us up in prayer, intercede on our behalf with the daily struggles of mission work is vital. Missionaries around the world often find themselves alone and without close friends who know their struggles, without those whose voice could make a difference if they continue serving or come off the field. This is one of our struggles and burdens. If you are reading this and do pray for us continually please let us know, so we know and can say thank you!! Being out of country most of the year does not allow us to build many local friendships so we need our long time friendships and to have communication with them. Lonliness is a struggle for many but it doesn't need to be.

I don't write this blog to try and guilt anyone to do anything. I just wanted to share a little from my heart and a couple of the challenges, burdens and struggles that we as missionaries face. Again, I (we) love what we do and can't imagine serving in any other capacity. We don't want to be a burden to anyone. We don't want to loose friends beacuse of our ministry or pleas for financial support. We would love to have you come alongside us in ministry if "you choose" to be, be it through financial support or as a prayer partner or as a close friend who will be an encourager as we go through this ministry.

If you ever want to know more about our ministry, our struggles, our mission all you have to do is let me know and I would be glad to have a private conversation with you. Cathy and I look forward to continuing serving as the Lord wills.

Time to decorate the Christmas tree! Thanks for reading this blog and allowing me to share a little piece of my heart. Blessings to you all.

Brent